"I don't like confronting people"

 

From OpenArt

A great deal of my life is explicable based on the premise of the title above. I suppose I am scarcely alone in this psychological style - few people are actively belligerent, doubling down on aggression - but I think I may be more consistent than most.

To be clear: I do confront people. Often. If it has to be done I will do it. But I don't like it, I'm not good at it. The unrestrained use of emotion, which is what confrontation is, does not fit well with my self-contained nature.

Instead I seek work-arounds. I’m transactional. I try to transform conflict scenarios. I look for novel outcomes that work for everyone.

One of the reasons I've a fondness for martial arts. In the Chinese and Japanese traditions, conflict decouples from emotion; becomes a technical matter (I can do technical).

So how do I handle that difficult meeting, that stressful phone call? The situation where I need something done... but the other person hasn't done it, or shows little inclination?

Some bosses or project managers would just holler at them. But we already established that I'm not good at yelling at people. I have no idea how to handle the aftermath.

Instead I present myself as helpful and friendly. It's a problem for both of us, isn't it? Do you have an issue I'm not aware of? Can we reframe the difficulty into something we can both work through?

I'm typically imaginative here.

Reluctantly, sorrowfully, if all this has failed, I might finish by wondering if you are really the right person to be assigned these kinds of tasks. Go figure.

It's worked so far, and often well:  INTP as I am.