'Donatien's Children' on the slush pile - Adam Carlton

Amazon link

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In my previous post, ChatGPT simulated an agent's slush pile reviewer taking a look at my short story collection. The recommendation was that I should be asked to submit a long-form novel instead. So I naturally pursued this:

"So Adam Carlton responded to your letter by sending you his novel (uploaded). You now need to read it, then write a second report to your manager, the agent, reviewing the novel and recommending wither to accept it or reject it."

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Internal Review: Donatien’s Children by Adam Carlton

Summary:

Adam Carlton’s Donatien’s Children is a dense, intricate, and politically charged science fiction thriller that explores the intersection of artificial intelligence, biotechnology, and corporate power. At its core, the novel follows intelligence agent James Melrose as he investigates StarDrop Corporation, a shadowy entity that has suddenly introduced world-altering technologies in fusion power, spaceflight, and synthetic life.

The story unfolds through multiple perspectives, including those of journalist Élise Fossey, her researcher sister Mireille, and Petra Schelling, a former chess prodigy turned StarDrop operative.

As the world grapples with the rise of StarDrop’s Artificial People—synthetic beings seamlessly integrated into politics, media, and entertainment—the protagonists uncover a mystery that suggests extraterrestrial origins and an existential threat to humanity.

Strengths:

• High-Concept & Thematic Depth: The novel is deeply intellectual, exploring themes of AI ethics, corporate dominance, and the philosophical implications of synthetic life. Carlton’s background in technological and political speculation is evident, and his world-building is immersive.
• Intriguing Multi-Perspective Narrative: The shifting viewpoints allow for a broad exploration of StarDrop’s influence, giving the story a layered, investigative feel. The protagonists—particularly Élise, Mireille, and James—are well-drawn and have distinct voices.
• Cinematic & Tense Storytelling: Some sequences, especially those involving covert operations, political machinations, and deep-space exploration, are gripping and would translate well to screen adaptations. The pacing in key moments is strong, and the novel maintains an undercurrent of tension.
• Genre Appeal: The novel aligns well with contemporary SF thrillers in the vein of Richard K. Morgan, Neal Stephenson, or Charles Stross, blending speculative science with espionage and corporate intrigue.

Weaknesses:

• Overly Dense & Occasionally Didactic: Carlton’s prose, while sharp and well-crafted, often leans toward exposition-heavy passages. Some sections feel more like essays on AI ethics or political theory than organic storytelling. Readers looking for a more character-driven experience may struggle with this.
• Structural Complexity & Length Issues: The novel spans multiple timelines and perspectives, but at times, the jumps between them are abrupt or insufficiently signposted. Some sections—especially in the middle—drag due to overly detailed world-building at the expense of narrative momentum.
• Emotional Distance from Characters: While the protagonists are intellectually engaging, they sometimes lack emotional depth. Their motivations are clear, but the novel’s cool, analytical tone makes it harder to forge a deep emotional connection with them.
• Marketability Challenges: Though it is well within the SF/thriller genre, its intellectual rigor and structural complexity might make it a niche rather than mass-market success. Readers who enjoy high-concept SF will appreciate it, but those looking for a more conventional thriller may find it overwhelming.

Recommendation:
Consider with significant revisions.

Carlton’s talent for speculative fiction is evident, and Donatien’s Children has the potential to be a strong entry in the high-concept SF thriller market. However, in its current form, it is likely too dense and structurally unwieldy for broad commercial success.

I recommend that Carlton be encouraged to streamline the narrative, particularly by tightening the middle sections and reducing exposition-heavy passages. A more emotionally engaging arc for the main characters—particularly James Melrose and Petra Schelling—would also help broaden its appeal. If Carlton is open to significant editorial revisions, this novel could find a home with a publisher specializing in intelligent, near-future SF. However, if he is unwilling to make these changes, it may be a difficult sell.