Fathers and Sons

Sigmund Freud

Sigmund Freud said that no man could be truly free until the death of his own father (or something like that).

The bond between father and son is that curious thing, a dialectic of respect and rebellion.

In the early years, a father is a towering figure: some kind of ‘superhero’ whose authority verges on the absolute. But as the son matures, so too does the urge to forge his own path, to leave the constraining shadow of his dad.

A son might admire his father's achievements, (the corner office, the shiny car!) yet feel eternally stuck in the framework of his father's expectations. The father, sensing this growing coolness, might try to morph into a benevolent peer… (but older and wiser? Those old memories of hierarchy subvert his efforts).

A strange twist of fate: after a father's passing the son often sees him in an entirely new light. That competitive, judgemental pressure is no more, replaced by a nuanced appreciation of the man himself. 

Grandfathers, by contrast, hold a special place for grandsons - benevolent support without the presence and pressure of their immediate authority figure.

Daughters, on the other hand, tend to view their fathers through a different lens. They see them as complementary role models, sources of strength and guidance rather than rivals in a lifelong competition. Their affection for their fathers can be unconditional. How pleasant to have daughters!

An irony for the son who grows up to become the father of boys of his own; he finds - to his rueful horror - that he gravitates helplessly into that imprisoning role of his own father… The shade of his father nods slowly, in sympathy and understanding.