Chalk Mark in a Rain Storm

Frome features in the quality press as a new hipster colony in the South-West. It may be true that Joni once visited while recording for one of her later, forgettable albums, but driving in all you see are ageing terraces, cluttered roads, bins and Iceland.

Like an old-time gunfighter, Clare deploys two lists

We're here to visit the M&S Food Hall, where Clare believes she can pick up Christmas gewgaws available nowhere else. We arrive at half past ten and it's already busy. An hour later vehicles circle in the car park like vultures - one swoops hastily for our space as we back out.

M&S puzzles me as a business. Their range of products here is small and chiefly notable for the novelty items which attracted us. It looks to me overpriced. And while the aisles are packed in front of meat, chocolates and wine, their clothing section is deserted.

I estimate the differential revenue per square metre and marvel at the opportunity cost.

Can you short M&S?

Primark

Down to Primark in Broadmead, Bristol yesterday to buy jeans. A year after it had become necessary, I finally downsized my trousers from 36" waist to 34" waist; an end to looking like a silent comic.

For fun I tried on an 'ultra skinny' pair - could barely get them on - and in the mirror saw an older version of a very garrulous comic.

But no, I am not Russell Brand's embarrassing dad: they went back on the rails.

As we walked around Cabot Circus, I remarked to Clare that something very strange is happening: almost none of the shoppers we saw were fat ...

Off the leash ...

While Clare was watching Cook and Compton frustrating the New Zealand bowlers (with a 12 hour time delay) I ventured out alone to Wells High Street.

The library is now automated. I remembered to put Julian Barnes' "The Sense of an Ending" into the large post-box front of the robot librarian and its inner smartness checked the book as 'returned'. I found another Barnes ("Arthur and George") as I'm now an official fan, and added Mr Amis's "Lucky Jim", something by Paul Auster plus a Jo Nesbo in large print for the cricket fan. Literary taste has come so late to me!

Then on to the Co-Op where my id was allowed full rein.

1. Three tubs of terrine for the cat. Terrine is a kind of junk-food paste with God-knows-what inside it. The animal is perfectly prepared to reject beautiful chicken, fresh salmon and even cheddar cheese to fall upon terrine. You'd have to say he's almost human.

2. What would you say to 3 Aeros, 4 Turkish Delights, 5 Crunchie bars, 4 Wispas and assorted Cadbury bars. These are empty calories which kick-in a damaging insulin spike. Why did I buy them and carefully hide them in the fridge?

3. Shortbread biscuits and the cricket fan's favourite, Caramel Thins. See 2 above. Hidden in the pantry. What was I thinking of?

So plenty of ammunition for those who think I should never be let out alone.