Showing posts with label Birthday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Birthday. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 11, 2026

Today my mother would have been 103

My parents, Beryl (25) and Fred Seel: engagement picture in 1948

Beryl Seel (1923–2015): On What Would Have Been Her 103rd Birthday

On 11 February 1923, in a nursing home in Brunswick Square, St Paul’s, Bristol, Beryl Porter was born into a world still recovering from one war and heading, unknowingly, towards another. Today, this February 11th, she would have been 103.

She grew up in William Street, St Paul’s, in a crowded, extended household shaped by strong personalities and strict expectations. She described herself as a shy child, wary of a mother who believed that children were best observed silently. Yet there was warmth too, especially in the presence of her grandparents, whose room became a refuge. Her grandmother, in particular, emerges from her own recollections as a kind of unofficial civic institution - diagnosing childhood ailments, helping neighbours in distress, even cutting down a man who had attempted to hang himself. They were different times.

That family competence became a defining trait. As a schoolgirl she was already burdened with responsibility, required to look after a disabled brother during play times because no one else would. Yet she was not cowed by this. She joined the Brownies and then the Girl Guides, earned her badges with pride, became a Patrol Leader, and later a Brown Owl herself. She loved sport - netball, swimming, competitions against other schools - and won her Bronze Medallion at thirteen, even earning a mention in the local paper for hauling an incautious non-swimmer out of the pool. The phrase “stupid non-swimmer”, which she used herself, gives a fair indication of her wry, unsentimental humour.

War arrived when she was sixteen. She remembered with absolute clarity the Sunday morning when the family clustered around the radio to hear the Prime Minister speak, the older generation muttering grimly, remembering the last time. During the Bristol Blitz she worked alongside her father in civil defence, fitting gas masks, helping to run an air-raid shelter in the church crypt, serving refreshments during raids. When a bomb tore through the church roof and into the shelter below, killing some of those inside, including friends of hers, there was no rhetoric in her telling. Just the terrible facts locked down in memory.

Like many of her generation, she combined fear, endurance, and an undiminished appetite for life. There were dances, friendships, and a romance conducted through letters written almost daily while her future husband served in the Army. She disliked the work she was pushed into - the local Fire Service, then four years of 12-hour shifts underground in an aircraft engine factory near Corsham - but she did it anyway. When the factory was abruptly closed because the engines kept exploding on test, she remembered the night with delight: no work, what a relief!

Peace brought marriage, housing struggles, ration books, and the slow construction of an ordinary domestic life. Children arrived, and with them pride, worry, arguments, and joy. If there is one constant in her account, it's her sense of duty. When traffic accidents repeatedly occurred outside her Henbury home, she recognised that her Girl Guide first-aid training was outdated and simply joined the Red Cross to rectify the problem. 

That decision led to 34 years of service, qualifications in first aid, nursing, mental health, psychology, and physiology, and eventually a Badge of Honour awarded jointly to her and her husband. She trained cadets, many of whom later became nurses.

Later still, she spent 21 years working as a classroom assistant at a school for deaf children, with responsibility for the medical room. Again, she wondered whether she would cope, then got on with it. When she retired, the affection shown by pupils and staff clearly mattered to her; she kept in touch long afterwards.

Reading her self-written memories now, what stands out is not nostalgia or sentimentality, but steadiness. She was observant, modest, capable, and quietly brave. She disliked fuss. She valued usefulness. She lived through bombing, rationing, exhausting labour, and the slow rebuilding of post-war Britain, and emerged neither embittered nor romantic about it.

On her 103rd virtual birthday, eleven years after her death, the right tribute is not great language but clear memories. She was a woman of unbending moral principles, who did what needed doing and who understood that a good life is made from serious engagement: turning up, learning what is required, and helping where you can.


 

Saturday, July 19, 2025

Happy Birthday, Clare!


I first met Clare on the last day of the Easter term, 6th April 1977, and we spent, I think, just under three months dating - inconsequentially, with some degree of ambiguity on both sides - before we had one of our inevitable arguments, and she basically called it off (27th June 77).

I think the thing which really irritated her was that we had gone out with my fellow teachers for a night out, and, while Clare and I were kept in conversation by one of my colleagues, the others took the wheels off my car as a joke.

I don’t think I ever quite saw the funny side of that - it was dark, we had a long way to drive. They put the wheels back on, of course, afterwards - it was a joke. So we were able to drive away. But I thought it was unamusing, and Clare thought it was less than that. So she duly pulled up the anchor and zoomed off.

And then, on November the 5th, Clare rematerialised at the fireworks party at Sefton Park and showed interest in getting back together again. She’ll say now that she realised she’d made a mistake in being so brusque and dismissive. And very rapidly, we got together. And very rapidly, we clicked.

During the last months of 1977 she used to come round to my flat on the Croxteth road for weekly maths lessons. Yes, that's how romantic our dating was.

Naturally, Adam has composed a different take on this - after his Marquis de Sade period, he now appears to be channelling Michel Houellebecq: I can at least vouch that his illustrations seem to accord with my memories!


Sunday, January 19, 2025

"Birthday Present" - by Adam Carlton (intro)


I don’t take much interest in birthdays. Just another arbitrary date, I tell myself.

Although I’m equally sure that human life is barely imaginable without ritual.

When I entered the living room she was already up.

“Happy Birthday!” she said.

I uttered some low-key thank you and then she said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get you a card. I didn’t really have an opportunity to go out by myself.”

Believe me, I contain my disappointment, as I leave for a meeting at the church.


Continue reading.


Friday, January 03, 2025

Letters to My Younger Selves


One of my best calls: Clare in the 1980s

Aged 9

It’s 1960, and you think you are weird. You think you might be an alien. You think even your parents don’t understand you.

You are right.

You are a smart INTP, a type vanishingly rare in the population (3–4%). You’re drawn to maths, physics, and abstract truths, and you struggle with a world that seems focused on the mundane. Relax - it’s going to turn out fine.

In the future, you will meet people just like you. At university, in the political movements you’ll join, and later in your career in high-tech R&D. You’ll form connections with others who share your curiosity, your desire for understanding, and your tendency to dive deep into topics which interest you. These 'faults' of yours will turn out to be strengths.


Aged 18

It’s 1969, and you’re about to go to Warwick University to study maths, physics, and engineering. You want to be a theoretical physicist: in the event, this is not going to work out. Warwick will feel like a profoundly alienating environment - the staff too remote, the material too familiar... and too practical - you always hated experiments.

By the end of your first year, you’ll switch to philosophy and politics, drawn by the promise of grappling with concepts new to you. But your new-found political activism will become all-consuming. You’ll miss lectures, focus instead on the International Marxist Group, and, eventually, get thrown out of university. What follows are years of menial jobs and teaching in secondary-modern schools. Your parents will despair.

And yet - sticking with physics would have been a disaster. Theoretical physics in the 1970s had reached a dead end: progress stalled - as it remains stalled today. Economics or computer science might seem like better bets in hindsight, but economics was (and is) a conceptual mess, and computing barely existed then.

Instead, your messy trajectory will give you something more profound: a rich, unified education in Marxism, encompassing economics, politics, history, and philosophy. It will sharpen your mind, refine your ability to analyze systems, and reveal, over the next decade, the flawed Rousseauan assumptions at its core.

Most importantly, it will lead you to Clare - your future wife, your partner for 47 years and counting. In her, you’ll find someone who complements your other-wordly competences and preoccupations; thoroughly-grounded and quite opinionated, she’ll be your guide in navigating life. She might also be, quite simply, the only woman in the world who could have put up with you.


Aged 36

It’s now 1987, and you’re working at STL, a world-class R&D laboratory. You have a PhD in artificial intelligence, a field you’ve been passionate about since your early science-fiction reading days. Your marriage is sometimes ‘exciting’ but flourishing, and you have two lively sons who you mostly subcontract to your wife. Life feels stable and promising.

Your fortunes, however, are about to change. STL is about to be acquired by Northern Telecom, and the new owners will have no interest in AI. Briefly, you’ll consider academia, but the prospects - low pay, limited opportunities - are bleak. Instead, you’ll retrain as a telecoms network architect/designer. This decision will catapult your career, placing you at the forefront of a global revolution: the building of the public internet.

You’ll travel the world, collaborating with smart, highly-motivated people and contributing to the infrastructure that will define the 21st century. Meanwhile, AI will enter a long winter, stalling until the 2010s when computing power finally catches up. By then, large language models will reignite AI optimism, offering astonishing practical potential to transform industries.

But the hard problem of consciousness - the enigma of subjective experience - will remain as unfathomable as ever. The fundamental research programme - so mistakenly termed “artificial intelligence” - will still be chasing shadows, trying to understand the very thing that makes us uniquely human.

Another bullet dodged.


Aged 72

It’s 2023, just two years ago. My advice: savour this moment. Clare and you are in a good place - comfortable and healthy.

And yet, sooner than you think, your aging bodies will begin to show their vulnerabilities. This is entirely normal, of course, and hardly unexpected. But it will still catch you off guard, as it does for everyone. Clare’s sudden health crisis and your own similar issues will change the paradigm in which you live: suddenly other concerns begin to intrude.

Being accepted into the Catholic Church (Clare is a cradle Catholic) was a wise decision of yours. Not because you were looking for easy answers, but because of its 2,000 years of experience as a repository of values and processes. You’ll find comfort not in dogma but in the Church’s quiet acknowledgment of life’s impermanence and its embrace of grace in the face of mortality.


Now (2025)

My advice to all my past selves remains the same: change nothing. Every twist and turn in your life, every seeming failure or detour, has led you to this point. It could all have been far worse, but hard to see that it could have been better.

Thinking about it properly, in the round.

The deterministic multiverse, with its branching threads of causality, concurs.


Thursday, January 02, 2025

I'm 74 today


My official birthday picture: the T'ai Chi Sword Form

Update: Clare gave me a rather unexpected birthday present! And Adam has speculated as to what that might have been...

Saturday, January 16, 2021

‘Asymptotic’ by Adam Carlton


I have a visitor this evening. She's sitting on the edge of the bed.

I'm sitting at the side of the room, next to a small table stuffed against the wall. This is where I used to prepare lessons; now I write programs.

But today it's an autumn evening and I'm teaching her maths.

She sits on my bed and looks at me. She's curvaceous, petite with a round face and fine black hair curling onto her shoulders. She's wearing a cardigan over a patterned blouse, pleasantly distorted by her ample breasts. I track down to her short green skirt and black tights…

Still, to business.

I don't really know why she's here. I've given up teaching maths myself, I can make more money with much less stress by programming computers. It's also much more interesting.

But I know she’s taught in the past - both junior school, and secondary maths - so I suppose it's prudent.

If she ever returns to teaching, that is.

Today we're doing the basics of differential calculus. 

I beckon her across, she stands next to me as I sketch the parabola of y = x2 in the exercise book.

"We're going to work out the gradient of the curve at some arbitrary point x," I say, remembering when I did this in sixth form with Dr Dickinson, our irascible pure maths teacher. Then it was all epsilon-deltas and rigorous definitions of limits and convergence. Hell, he even had us constructively defining the real numbers - Dedekind’s sections, I vaguely recall.

None of that is going to be mentioned today.

“I hate to see you standing,” I say, “this would work a lot better if you sat here.”

I point to my lap.

Unaccountably she seems to agree: I pull my chair back a bit and she sits across my knees, looking very intently at the diagram.

Her left arm is draped around my neck - for stability of course; the same reason my right arm is curled around her waist.

“So: the concept of gradient,” I say. 

I put my left hand against her shin, halfway between her ankle and knee, feeling smooth, glossy fabric under my fingers.

Here the gradient is steep, I say, running my hand slowly up towards her knees, pushing them slightly up.

My fingers slide over her left knee.

“So here we have what's called a local maximum. See how, just here, my hand is flat, the gradient is zero. But as we move further, we're now descending rather than ascending - the gradient’s turned negative.”

I collide with the hem of her skirt; I push forward so that my palm and fingers curve upon her warm thigh.

“Ok," I say, "That's the basic idea. Differential calculus is just doing the same thing with maths.” 

And so we continue.

She seems to find the lesson useful.

---

---

Another lesson, this time we're doing Taylor series. Again, this is something we did ‘properly’ at school. We cared about error terms and convergence; we looked at pathological functions which lack a Taylor expansion. I'm only recently appreciating how weird it is that infinite sums of polynomials converge to functions which really do look nothing like polynomials. The power of calculus, etc.

As usual, nothing of such deep reality will go into this evening's lesson.

She understands some trig now: sine and cosine. I just about managed to convey the differentiation of sin and cos from first principles. So now we have enough to derive the Taylor series for sine. Of course, I have an idea as to how to make this memorable: the sums of successive terms cumulatively approach the target function - tonight sine seems very appropriate.

She's lying flat on her back on my bed. I'm standing by my table, looking down at her. The room is already darkening, the room illuminated by a bedside table light. 

Tonight she's wearing a white tee shirt, faded blue jeans, and socks. Her head is lying on my pillow, hair curling and sprawling on the pillowcase. She seems confident, relaxed.

I say, “Three terms give us a pretty accurate approximation for sine, up to say 70 degrees; although of course we actually measure the angle in radians.”

I lean over and grasp the fabric of her left sock, at the toes.

“Call this the first term of the Taylor expansion of sin(x),” I say in a professorial manner, “So that would be x itself, a straight line through the origin.” 

With a flourish I pull the sock off.

“But apart from here at the origin," - I tap her now-bare instep - "this is not a terribly good approximation to the whole you.”

I now take the second sock between finger and thumb, and slide it off.



“The second term,” I say, “x cubed over three factorial, with a minus sign. It's a bit better but still not great.”

I straighten, still in my best tutorial manner, and add:

“A third term will dramatically improve things. We add back x to the fifth over five factorial.” 

I look mock-puzzled: "How are we going to do that?"

She is looking towards the ceiling, listening quietly, not a care in the world. My gaze is drawn by a quick movement at her waist as the stud is released and the zip loosened. She subsides into stillness again.

“Ok,” I say, pulling at the fabric at her ankles, “now we're getting closer to approximating the real you.”

She helps by raising herself as her jeans join her socks in an untidy pile on the floor.

She's very pretty, there on my bed.

“But we only got to seventy degrees,” she says, “Surely we owe it to Mr Taylor to… approximate even more accurately?”

To the faint rustle of fabric, I turn to my notebook, to work out how many extra degrees we get by including the fourth term. It's interesting; we'd go past the right angle to 106 degrees... I turn back.

Her moving hands now enfold the hem of her tee shirt: “Close enough, d'you think?” she murmurs, "Or should we go even further?"


Monday, January 04, 2016

Sixty five

My 65th birthday lunch with the family, in The Swan at Wells.




At one level, nothing changes when the dial of the year encounters your 65th birthday. But it makes a difference: my father, at 65, was in good health and had almost twenty years of life ahead of him. He was delighted to wave goodbye to work he hated, and welcomed his new autonomy.

Life for the 'getting-on' is an instance of the 'bathtub model' of engineering failure.



Everything is fine-ish until the last few years, at which point hospital appointments crowd the diary. One hopes for calmness and serenity.

Still, with luck, that's a way yet. Plenty of time to comment on the idiocies of public policy, the hubris of engineers .. and hopefully the wonders of new science and great writing.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

A late birthday present

I went to see my mother today (with Elaine) in Wroughton while the BHF team were house-clearing. We visited the park, fed the homicidal seagulls and watched kids trying to fend off dinghy collisions on the lake. At the end there was a late birthday present for Clare.



We were baffled as to what the heavy cylinder was. I speculated variously on pickled onions and manuka honey. The reality was considerably more wonderful.

A scented candle

It's currently brightening up the hall in olfactory mode - it almost feels wrong to light it.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Clare at 64

Clare's birthday. And here she opens her present.




We celebrated Clare's birthday with lunch at the Queen Vic, Priddy. Adrian drove us there and Alex got the drinks and paid the bill. At last a return on our parental investment.

During the meal, which we ate outside in the sunshine and which was very pleasant, one of the table umbrellas was caught by a gust of wind and ended up on the roof. A little later, there was a sound of breaking glass as a barmaid tripped on the step and dropped the pints she was carrying. She was not badly hurt.

Pretty exciting, Priddy.

Friday, January 02, 2015

The binary million

Today is the first and only time in my life I celebrate my binary millionth birthday. Naturally I got a nice card, helpfully re-purposed, from my wife.

The cover of my card



The greeting inside

I always say it's the thought that counts, don't you?

Here's the streaming video of the traditional ceremony of present-giving, in which I am eternally doomed to both joy and disappointment. Be warned that it's 800 MB with c. 6.5 minutes run-time. Sorry about the quietness of the sound - the humour, such as it is, is back-loaded.

Remember: absolutely no-one is making you watch home videos! No homework or future test involved.